Some things have been going on lately

*sigh*

Like lately, namimiss ko si Manoy. La lang, ewan, eh kasi makulit yon so mijo nakakamiss talaga un…

and then im starting to like hot crossdressing guys. I don’t know why… I just think they’re cute
I mean, check this out
[IMG]http://i114.photobucket.com/albums/n268/Prinsesa_05/4414158e18c3247fc0e19b71f0e44955.jpg[/IMG]

and this

[IMG]http://i114.photobucket.com/albums/n268/Prinsesa_05/2493285455_3da9b8732f_o.jpg[/IMG]

Somehow its so wrong and yet so right…
If you tell me they’re not cute, i will personally hear you
not that i could anyone miles away anyway..
ha!!!
Un lang

Finally, natupad din ang nasa wishlist ko, nakapanood din ako ng sine (i know, i know, sooooper simple lang).

Lufet naman ng Transformers, grabe.

Sabi ko dati kay Edison (wee, Aly? are u der?) ayoko ng yellow na  kotse, masyado kasi pansinin, now i REALLY want one.

Ang cute ni bumblebee, sobra.

half the time, hindi ko alam kung tatawa ko or wat

especially nung scene na err… “namatay” si optimus

jahe

wouldn’t cry kasi my mascara was not waterproof, but i felt silly, pwehehehehehe

and then ung scene na *naiyak* si bumblebee nung iiwan siya ni sam, grave, mukha siyang nabuga ng diesel, SO CUUUTE!!!

very nice CG’s. wat a loud movie, so kewl.

gusto ko ng kotse na bublebee!!!! Gusto ko ng Chevy Camaro!!!

nweiz, the most memorable lines for me…
hehehehehe, xempre,

BUMBLEBEY!!!
la lang, natatawa kasi ako eh
i know it’s BUMBLEBEE, but i was listening carefully and BUMBLEBEY yung narinig ko, that was twice, i think.
also, Mudflap’s In Your Face!!! when he was being sucked (eww, perverted term) by Devastator, la lang. kahit lumang line na, natawa pa rin ako

pati yung stay on my ass by that military guy (can’t remember the name). Kasi naman, of all terms, un pa nagamit niya. Pervy.
Yun lang
Basta, nood na lang kau
ganda kasi

ku⋅dos

noun (used with a singular verb) honor; glory; acclaim: He received kudos from everyone on his performance.

Kudos to My ever so Dear Dad who gave me cash to buy my new Flash Drive

Love You Dad ( Like you didn’t know that already, tee hee ).

Me happy

Youth is a prejudiced little thing isn’t it?

A blog is an online diary. But I don’t think my friends read my blog, I am neither a celebrity nor do I post anything explicit, so I don’t expect anyone  in  particular to read my blog. az

Although you would probably object to me saying this, I am not sorry for posting that in my blog. I removed it as a sort of compensation. I was young, I was imprudent and I was impulsive, but I was also being truthful to myself. I pray against all odds that you would understand this. You always said that honesty to oneself and others make better relationships.

What was it that you said? Ang nagsasama nang matapat, nagsasama ng maluwat.

And back then I reacted truthfully to myself. I did not dare reproach you openly. That would have only resulted into the blame being thrown right back to me. Especially when you use the classic parental lines “Ginagawa namin ito para sa inyo.”

I know that you were, but it felt horrid nonetheless. Such is the prejudice of youth, as I’ve mentioned earlier.

I am older now, and I guess a little wiser too. You could say that allowing me to that overnight swimming and overnight party somewhat contributed to my newfound wisdom.

Well, I would not deny that I could be happier (such is the fault of humans’ never ending desire), but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy with my life. In fact, I could not think of a time when I was happier. I AM HAPPY. I’M VERY VERY HAPPY.

Well, while I’m being sappy like this, I would like to announce that, although there are occasional glitches in my non-existent system hard drive, I DO love my parents.

I do feel a little resentment towards them sometimes (honestly people, don’t we all feel that at some point or another), but I will never hate them. They are my parents after all, and I know they did everything they could thinking of me and my welfare.

And HATE is such a powerful word and I reserve that to a certain kind of people.

I heard from a rather famous father (from APO Hiking Society) that  children who are growing up will inevitably break their parents’ hearts.
I would never deny to having done that, and I highly doubt I can completely avoid doing that in the future (because of certain differences in my and my parents’, particularly my dad’s, way of thinking), but I can honestly say that I would not do so if I don’t deem it necessary. I am young, though not as young and foolish as I once was, after all, and a little eccentric and I need more time and more space become the person that I am destined to be.

A family that does not bicker is ridiculous and superficial.

I couldn’t help it I couldn’t help it!!!

I just had to post this!!! Grabe.

Obsession is a wonderful thing when the one you’re obsessed with is both fictional and hot, pwehehehehe. I think I’m inlove……………..

I’m 19 now (regardless of what friendster says). When I was 14, I thought that when I grow older, I’d grow away from fictional anime characters and start liking Hollywood hunks.

And then CLAMP decided to make this anime. Great. Just when I thought I’d make myself more mature a hot ass like Lelouch had to show up.

Grabe talaga.

I watch episode 25 (which i had conviniently downloaded to my pc) around 50 times and still encounting and i still get teary eyed by the end.

All the time I was thinking about the other characters as “the idiots who played their roles right to the very end”.

This is a crazy anime with a lot of crazy characters. I might like one character one moment and then hate him at the next.

EXCEPT Lelouch. Pwehehehehe. Honestly. I really din’t care that he seemed like the antagonist around episode 21, i liked him anyway.  He is the embodiment of all things I love in a character. Hot and Cool at the same time.

Figures. I practically swoon over him. Something my brothers had thankfully gotten accustomed to. But sometimes they freak out over it.

I’m supposed to be the eldest yet I drool at the very mention of a fictional ass’s name. Pwehehehehe.

Well nweiz

Dun care

This is LOVE

“For certain you have to be lost to find places no one else has ever found

Elseways everyone wouldve found it already”

I never thought Id be wuoting Captain Barbossa, but the world works in many strange ways I guess.

It’s a new outlook for me whenever I feel somewhat lost. There are days na parang napaka-boring na talaga ng buhay, the monotomy of it puts me in a bad mood every morning. This is me being lost in the monotomy of life, and i hate every minute of it.

But lately, since I have too much time, i’ve been thinking of things, and I guess some if my views have changed. When confronting a situation for the first time, I really dont know what to do, but when i have a chance to think it through, minsan mas lumilinaw na.

Its like filtering water. At first, murky pa din, but as time passes by, nalinaw na.

lately, i’ve been feeling a little off
well, it’s actually more like not feeling anything at all

is it so wrong to believe in people?

the thing didn’t bother me when it first came, but for the past few days it’s really been getting onto me
i think love is overrated
but i believe that friendship is sacred
for people i believe in to shatter the trust i gave them really pisses me off
if he was just any random acquaintance, sure fine, it woudn’t even be coined backstabbing
but for HIM to do that……..
it really sucks
honestly, i didn’t see that coming until it was nearly in front of me
stupid
i just don’t get why he did that
and when i told him that Ayel stayed over at my place, he said casually
Alam ko kung ano’ng sinabi niya sa ‘yo and for that I’m sorry
i didn’t even feel the sincerity of that statement
but in all honesty, i wasn’t hurt either
i don’t know why
i mean, that should’ve stung, right?
to know that someone you trusted admit that he betrayed you in some way
even with the i’m sorry at the end of the statement, it should have stung even just a little, but it really just didn’t.
i am somewhat nervous and scared about this.
i don’t get it
i don’t like it
i’m used to being somewhat empathic, somewhat being the key word there
so i really don’t like not being able to feel much of anything, especially in this issue
i think that it’s alright that i’m not feeling the pain of it, but i’m scared about nt feeling everything else
i mean, lately, i haven’t been feeling very happy or very angry or very sad either
i feel like drifting somewhere and just drifting with no sense of direction whatsoever

11-22-08

I’m so happy that I’m almost bubbly.

ALMOST.

Around 40 minutes ago, I received a call. It was from a guy. Lolz.

The number was not in my contacts list, so when I picked it up, my initial reaction was “sino po sila?”.

Someone murmured something, which I didn’t hear, so I asked again.

“Ayel” was the reply that I got.

Dunno what to say, so my line of thinking went from oh my God, Kakashi died!  To what the hell are you calling me for?

But he told me things that were totally unexpected, and honestly, I can say that I am hurt.

There are things that we don’t want to think true, but it’s not like we can do anything about them.

At that point in time I was glad I wasn’t as narrow-minded as I initially believed. I thought that any word from him would send me to fumes, and I would tell him to fuck off, but I didn’t.

I actually took time to hear from his side, what happened according to him and how he thought about certain people and certain things. He explained this and that to me and honestly, I don’t know what and WHO to believe anymore.

It’s like these people are screwing with my mind.

I don’t want to say that I don’t believe Ayel, but I don’t want to say that I don’t believe Andrew either.

Right now I’m thinking that they’re both somehow messed up.

Make no mistake. I told the two of them about this.

I always did tell them that Andrew is a sadist and Ayel is a masochist.

Sexual connotations not included in that statement.

I mean seriously, do you hang out with someone you’re pissed with? That’s just sick. The other party obviously will get to your nerve faster than most people and you will most likely be more agitated than you would normally be.

And men are such horrible creatures when they are angry.

There are people who can control their anger for a time but definitely not all the freakin’ time. That will result to early death and a whole lot of wrinkles. The early death I don’t mind, it’s the wrinkles that get to me.

I’d love to say that my conscience got the better of me, but surprisingly, it didn’t.

I even told him “okay lang ba na hindi muna ako mag-sorry ngayon?” cuz I honestly couldn’t do it yet. Blame it on the pride.

Yes, yes, pride is bad, but it’s not like I can avoid feeling it. It’d be hypocritical to say that I was sorry when I really wasn’t.

But now my hatred is directed towards someone else, and I’d rather not know him… or her for that matter.

I say a lot of bad things about the objects of my hate. Tongues are sharper than swords, after all, especially in this age where swords are considered part of history and nothing more.

The funny thing was, since it’s his birthday tomorrow (yes the date is still in my mobile phone’s calendar), he said that if there’s anything left of his cash he’d give a treat, which I refused cuz that would really be awkward. I don’t know how he’d feel about it but I know I’d feel awkward. I told him I’ll buy him something as a peace offering.

It got to me that he felt conscious whenever he’s walking in a place where there are engineering students cuz he feels that he’s that he’s being glared at, and he probably was too.

Okay, for that I felt guilty. But my pride eventually won.

I told him I’d fix it but he’d have to wait cuz I’m still cooling down.

This is probably the problem with me. Although I don’t make it a point to hate someone or something on a daily basis, once I’m angry, it takes a long time for me to forget.

I’m like a vacuum tube. Lolz. Or a picture tube.

I will probably post a public apology after this, but my hate will linger on someone else and I will be looking out after myself more.

I know for a fact that you can’t please everybody, but that doesn’t mean you can’t strike back at the one or two or the hundred who hates you.

I wasn’t born to be the object of their mortification. And like what I’ve said before, if they have time gossiping about the affairs of other people, why don’t they spend it studying STRENGTH OF MATERIALS, DYNAMICS OF RIGID BODIES, ELECTRONICS ENGINEERING, ADVANCED ENGINEERING MATHEMATICS and CIRCUITS 2.

I’d love to say that I’m not the kind of person that strikes back, but I can’t.

I personally believe that revenge is best served cold. And I get my revenge every single time. It might take days, months, years, but I get it. No other way around it.

KUDOS to Ayel who called me and explained everything (from his part) to me. I probably won’t get much sleep tonight as I’d be pondering and gathering humility to apologize.

It will take a while, but I WILL APOLOGIZE.

Screw big fat liars, by the way.

Whoever he is in this situation.

backstabbers go to hell and beyond!
if you fucked up bastards have time to waste gossipping about other people, why don’t you study mechanics of deformable bodies instead???
you make fun of my appearance ne?
the eyes, the lips, the weight issue, why didn’t you notice the flat nose of all things???? c’mon???
if its about the looks, dude, i have mirrors at home y’know. so i know eactly what i look like and what i lack.
after all,having eyes as big as mine, details are pretty hard to miss
but if it’s appearance that’s the issue here, don’t you think i have a lot to say about you????
i always hated the way you dressed
the tie, which is so NOT by the way, really makes you look dorky
your hat makes you look like a beggar
your skin is so…………. ugh!! i don’t even have the words!!!
you’re FAT okay, just plain FAT
and you’re SHORT!!!
short!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ah…… always wanted to say that, but my parents always said that for friends, appearance is Not an issue, so i never really thought much about it
but seeing that we’re backstabbing friends, i think this is the right time to let my thoughts let loose
HOMO!!!
don’t get me wrong
i posibbly like gay porn
but if you’re going to make your porn,
please LOSE all the FAT you have
i might get distracted by your flably tummy that i might not get to notice all the hot and steamy making out you’re doing with your partner
of course, this is all assuming that anyone would actually have sex with you
seeing how ugly your skin is
lolz
doesn’t yor back hurt from sucking everyone’s dick including your own??????

do u think i think i’m pretty wen i’m with you????
on the contrary, my backstabbing friend, i have inferiority complex, talk to my therapist about it why dontcha
if you want her number, ask it from me personally
if you have the gall to, that is
but, seeing that its you, you might
lolz
lose the hat and the tie
you look dorkier than ever

I’m so lonely during vacations. Teehee.

Since there really isn’t much to do, not much friends in the neighborhood (cuz I usually don’t go out and because most of my friends are from school), both my parents are with work or are together somewhere, my brothers are both little shits I’m pretty glad I don’t see everyday, I really don’t have anything fun to do. Unless you include eating and right now, I’d rather not, please (I barely got my weight down).

Probably the worst thing about vacations is that because I don’t have much of anything to do, I have a lot of time to just lounge around and think. It would be great if I could just sit down somewhere and NOT think, just be there and just sort of drift of, but that doesn’t really happen. I hate having a lot of time to think cuz I get to remember and think about things I’d rather not remember or think about. That’s why I love being drunk.

Someone told me I’m nostalgic, and I really am. I can’t even say I PROBABLY am cuz I know that I am. And not everything that comes from nostalgia is good. I can’t even think of anything good that comes with it. I remember my high school days (third year and fourth year only cuz they were the BEST!) and I start missing the good ol’ days, or the good ol’ friends. Not that they aren’t my friends anymore, but it’s just that I don’t get to see them everyday anymore.

The fact that I’m a homebody means I rarely go out of the house. There are even days that I don’t even step out of the house even for some sunlight. My dad even says that one day I might become allergic to sunlight. Not that it matters anyway. And not being out of the house means that I don’t know too many people my age in the neighborhood. Sometimes I even get scared that people in this neighborhood might forget I exist. I don’t even go out and attend mass in the local church on Sundays. Not that I enjoy going to masses anyway. Some people are hypocrites and I think I’ll just commit more sin when I go to mass. The girls in the neighborhood are usually flirting with the guys and some have even gotten pregnant. Not to be to judgmental, but the guys here aren’t exactly the guys I’d like to be involved with.

Times like these I get somewhat confused.

I’d like to say that I have a bold character, but truth be known I don’t. Not all the time anyway. When in the presence of some people, I’m rather reserved. I don’t know, maybe there’s a part of me that feels something about the people around me.

Sometimes I don’t speak and I feel really shy, but then there are days when I’m so outspoken and rather daring. There are days when I feel shy but I pretend to be bold. I don’t know anymore.

Do you see why I hate vacations?

I have a lot of time to think of my life and how it turned out and how I want it to turn out. It would be great if I actually had the money to make it the way I want it, but I’m rather middle class.

I really don’t think that money is most important in my life, but when you don’t have plans of settling down, what else can you have?

When I think of how I want my life to end up, I just want some things here and there and then I wanna die. I want to have a job, then I want my own business, then I want my dad’s and my mom’s dreams to come true, I want my brothers to finish their schooling, I wanna help a few charities, I wanna help a lot of people, then I wanna die. I don’t even want kids of my own. I mean, I probably won’t mind boyfriends here and there and a few trips around the world, but I don’t want marriage or any permanent relationship like that. It scares me to no end just thinking about it. And right now, because my feelings for someone have gradually faded away, I think I’ll die a spinster. A rather rich spinster.

Speaking of faded feelings, I didn’t even think the day would come. I always thought that there would always be somebody in my heart. I mean, all those fairy tales and happy ending chick flicks made the concept of love look so wonderful. I never thought the day would come that there would be nobody in my heart.

Andrew says it’s not true. And maybe it really isn’t. I’m just saying what’s on my mind at the moment. He thinks I’m still in love with the guy and that I’m just pretending or shrouding my feelings somewhere. Maybe I am, but it feels so much better this way. I’ll admit that I get the occasional pangs when I see him, especially when I see him with her, but I don’t get so worked up about it anymore. Sometimes, they even seem to be just another couple in my sight. And their names are just another set of names in my vocabulary. Maybe one day, my feelings will let loose and I’ll say that Andrew is right, but right now, my senses say that he’s wrong.

It’s like I got tired of loving. Do you know how it feels to love and not be loved back several times? It’s so frustrating and exhausting at the same time. And yet now, right now, now that I don’t feel much love for anyone at all, it’s still frustrating. Especially when you’re listening to love songs by secondhand serenade. Love songs have that magic you know. More than any chick flicks, I cherish love songs. Although not just any kind of love songs. I especially love songs by secondhand serenade, and a few random love songs that most people don’t know, like Listen to your heart (Roxette). Okay now I think I’m boring you. Not that I think many people read these stuff.

If only life ended the way most fairy tales did….

Then again most fairy tales have their damsels in distress and I don’t think I’m damsel-in-distress material.

I may be more of a witch material.

Maybe that would make a pretty good story one day. Instead of the prince up to rescue the princess, it’s the witch he’ll have fall in love with him and they’ll live happily, through trials of every day and ever after.

Vacation sucks.